One of the reason I started a blog is to get people thinking, and recently, as hard as it is, I’ve been thinking about love, or more to the point loss of.
When I think about my parents, I know that logically, one day, they’re going to pass away and it’s probably going to be before me. I’ve come to terms with that, although I love them so much, they’re not going to be around forever. But when I look at my Dad, and my heart swells with love for the man that raised me, has taken me to and from school for thirteen years, has held me hand and baptised me, I don’t know what losing him is going to do to me. The same goes for my best friend- we’ve known eachother since we were two, and sometimes I feel like we’re the same person- she’s the brains, I’m the heart. She’s the eyes, I’m the hands. She’s the jam, I’m the peanut butter. But what if she was to die one day before I was ready? Will I ever be ready to let her go?
We all know that feeling, I suppose. It literally feels like there’s too much air in your chest. It feels like you can’t breathe until you’re with them, and you know everything’s okay. You could watch them forever. Sometimes I just sit and watch Enzo sleep- there’s this unspoken rule amongst dog owners that you do not move if your dog is sleeping on you unless it’s imperative. I look at his eye lashes, and his whiskers. I scratch him behind his ears and wonder how many hairs are on his tail. And I wonder what will happen to me when he is no longer around.
It’s a word people avoid, death. We say “passed away”, “moved on”, “met God”. “Left Earth”, “is no longer with us”, “is resting”. I think we can’t say death, even for people we don’t even like we because we know someone loves them. And we know how it feels to love. That crazy, passionate, I would do anything for you love to the love you can feel for someone you’ve never met before. The compassion, the empathy that we all have because we would want that for someone we love. We want everything for someone we love.
So, why do we have this love? I think God put it in us because he wants us to know how much he loves us. That’s the story of Easter- God’s love for us. If we know how it feels, then we know how God feels, and if I can bring myself to tears just thinking about losing my best friend, I can think about how God felt losing his son. And how he feels about me. And I understand. I understand his love. I may not understand why he has it, or the mechanics- how could he love someone as imperfect as me? But I know my Dad loves me, and I know my friend loves me, and in a weird way I know my dog loves me, and so so does God. And I know I love them.
Love. It’s scary, and maybe we’d have easier lives without it. But life wouldn’t be better. It would be empty. With nothing to fill that space in your heart, you’d be empty. It helps us relate to a loving God, and it helps us connect. Love may be scary, but it’s really all you need [to quote that song].