I guess the big thing about mission is that a lot of it is out of my hands.
As much as I can pray and organise and beg for people to donate to my cause, it’s still has so little to do with me whether it’s all accomplished. When I asked for prayer from my friend, she said she wouldn’t even pray that it would be a success because she was so sure that God had plans for it to be good. As reassuring as that was meant to be, it just stirred panic. Christians dance the line between trusting God to fulfil his promises and imploring him to (read any Psalm and you’ll see it’s been a problem for a while). Do my plans match up with Gods? So often, it feels like the only instruction we are given is to jump and fall, praying that he will catch us.
After I am pushed to trust God, then there are the people. For all my pleads and posts, I’m depending on the generosity of those around me. I can have amazing music for my band night and no one to play for. We can make hundreds of cakes and have no one to eat them.
As much as I am willing to go out and be active and work my fingers to the bone, I’m quickly learning that mission is as much about come as it is about go. Hoping that God would dwell in the midst of a scary situation. Praying that people would turn up when I’m in need.
When we first set out to fundraise, my lecturer said something that has stuck with me ever since. Peoples response to need will either encourage you or break your heart. While I watch the dismal numbers of my invitations slowly rise, and pray for just one more person to click come (and actually, you know, come), I am shocked by the surprising generosity from places I wasn’t even looking to. As I am called to go, so I realise the need to come.
Mission isn’t something you can do by yourself. It’s like watching a pianist compared to a walking one man band. Everything needs to work together just to get one seemingly simple thing to happen, and that’s terrifying. As humans, made in the image of a God that is in control, we don’t enjoy feeling helpless. But as humans, made under a God who is in control, we can find rest. Similarly we’re brought up to be independent and self sufficient but people neglect to mention that sometimes you just can’t be.
And then there is the actual mission itself. As I think about going overseas with people that on one hand are my friends and on the other hand I feel like I still barely know, I’m being stretched even at the thought of being away from home for a month. Going through training makes me realise how little I actually feel equipped to do this. The amount of trust that is put in those around you, unspoken, that they will support and watch over you. Once again I’m reminded of the one man band, each member doing their own job to make one perfect song, God the conductor. Looking straight ahead,we all take a step forwards and hope everyone else is moving with us.
As we are called to go, we must hope other people come. Thankfully we know God will always turn up.
By the way, if you do want to help out, the link to donate is here.