So, to conclude, how have I changed?
The strangest thing is, in many ways I don’t know. I feel like there should be a list of great revelations, and deep soul searching, but I figure that as time goes on, I’ll notice things that weren’t there before, like walking into my room and seeing Dad had “cleaned it” [he literally took everything on the floor and put it in two large black garbage bags in the middle of the room].
I know my relationships have changed because I’ve seen those changes in the past couple of days. I wanted to write these posts before my mind subconsciously reverts back to what is expected. However, while I’m living in this bubble of wanting to talk to every sales person and getting surprised at the range in Coles, I figured I’d get the most out of it. I’ll be affronted by kisses on the street and the seemingly trivial problems everyone seems to have. Maybe after a while those things won’t seem as big any more- however, perhaps they will.
I thought I’d be more surprised by the difference in wealth, but walking into my local Westfields today was pretty normal. I guess it was because I remembered it. A discussion in the group was us having wealth. If poverty exists with wealth, does that mean everyone should be poor or everyone should be wealthy? I posed this question to my dad today, and he clarified what I’d been trying to verbalise. That those who God blesses should give to those who don’t have the same blessing and be the blessing. My friend left his guitar with our village, and another friend lugged around a few kilos to do one day of craft at kids club- in Australia, that could be giving a spare sleeping bag to a homeless person or old clothes to Vinnie’s instead of chucking them out. Thankfully I’ve had an upbringing where to do such a thing would be insane. Unfortunately I’ve grown up in a society where it isn’t. So no, I wasn’t surprised by the amount of food in my pantry, but I wasn’t upset when Mum gave half of tonight’s spinach pie to our elderly neighbour [if you’ve ever tasted it, you’d understand why someone would be upset].
I know I’ve left Fiji with some new lifelong friends. There is a small group of people in this world right now who know exactly what I’ve been through. There are new friends in another country who would happily open their houses up to me again. That’s such a strange feeling. I have shared tears, laughter and love with people I didn’t know six months ago. I trust these guys, and don’t know their middle names. There’s a different perspective of what is important to me, and I realise God has used that to His glory. Because our relationships aren’t based on common interests, or what we’ve seen on television, or who is the prettiest but rather the fact that we love God. He is the common thread, weaving together a tapestry of willing people.
I can honestly testify to how God can use a person if they are willing, because I was and I have just had one of the best, most life altering experiences of my life. I don’t know how I’m going to live it out, but I’ve got a newly refined character and heart which have been through the trials and survived them. Although it wasn’t always good, it was amazing at times, and all of that has been carefully planned by a God who loves me and knows what he’s doing. All of this is completely insane.
To those wondering what to do with your lives after high school, or even right now, I’d say take some time out for God. Your five minutes a day may accidentally be turning to three, you may have skipped a few church services, but if God is as significant as you say he is- as you feel he is- then give him your time and He’ll do the rest.
As for mission, I dunno. Maybe. Not a solid no, as a lot of people walked away saying. But perhaps I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing and let God lead me where he thinks I should go. But I know I can survive time away from what I know, and be used. And I know I’ll have these memories for a long time to come.
3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”